Monday, March 15, 2010

On seeking peace

I'm having a day overwhelmed by a feeling of peace about this wedding business. I've spent many months not necessarily stressing-out, but instead suffering from "monkey-mind"-- that cyclical and endless line of questions and doubts and second guessing and decisions about what this wedding day is going to look like. Which, when it comes down to it, is completely not the point. The point is to have fun. To spend time with my family and friends who I don't get to see very often. And to get married to T in the presence of the people who mean something to me and to him and to us.

I'm not sure of all the things that have coalesced to this feeling of peace, and I'm not really sure if it will last or not. I do know that I've noticed several weddings on the blogs over the past few weeks whose theme (if you can even call it that) is simplicity. Being grounded and serene and focused on the people who are there with you, rather than focused on exquisite pictures of the charming ___________(fill in the blank: invitations/flowers/centerpieces/boutonneirs/dress/headpiece/favor/etc.) And that is sort of... game changing for me.

She's been getting a lot of press for her amazingly awesome post about wedding photos, but I still have to give it to A Los Angeles Love for doing such a good job of articulating the effect that wedding media can have on our expectations for ourselves and our weddings. And, its true: the majority of the weddings I see, and the "inspiration" I look at are hand picked. First by the photographer, possibly second by the couple, and third by the publishing blog. That is a lot of picky eyes out there whiddling down the photos we see to several types of the most amazing looking weddings out there in terms of the decoration.

It is easy to loose sight of this. I know that when I take photos, I'm careful to begin with to frame my subject in the most flattering way. Sometime I exclude parts of the surrounding that don't add to the beauty of the picture. So, from the very beginning, the photos we're all looking at are edited before they are ever touched by Photoshop. And then, when I post artistic photos, I select the ones I like the most. That's actually rule number one of any photographer-- display the good stuff. And, I do the same thing when it comes to myself. All the pictures that I have on Facebook are photographs that make me look good. I'm not going to post something that makes me look for feel crappy about myself. And on this blog, I find things that I like and post those too.

So, I know that all these blogs showing off the most pretty stuff it isn't coming from a bad place, but the end result ends up being rather pretty weddings that I feel like I can't really grasp. It seems like I should be able to because these people have done it and they talk about how they did it with the ease of someone telling you how to make a nice pie or something. I think I have it in my mind that blogs are somehow more *real* because they are written by any-old person and therefore more accessible and the beauty standards more reachable. But, except for a few of my favorites, the wedding blogs I look at feature magazine quality weddings with a giant and overwhelming amount of decorative "stuff".

But that's not the point. That was never the point for T and I when we talked about getting married in the first place. The point is to get married in a way that feels right and natural for us. The point is to include our friends and families so that it doesn't feel like a show; it feels like a celebration. And the point is to be grounded, joyful and engaged with exactly what is happening that day.

And somehow, I think I'm finally getting that. I feel like things are in place. They will be a nice celebration, and I don't need to worry about anything that we're not doing. People will either like the way we do it, or they won't, but that doesn't really matter. And the fact is that as long as we do things the way we want to do them, everyone will be cool with it. They will because they're at our wedding and they love us and they just want to be there to witness us declare our love for one another and tie the knot. And that's it. Simple, and peaceful.

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